Some ppl badmouth me.... some ppl hate me..... tch.... fine.... think watever u wan say watever wan..... i dun give a damn.... i jus need to be true to myself and that is wat truely matters... for i know that there are ppl out that who appreciates me....

Lost faith in this world... Lost faith in myself... Maybe i shld'nt even have exsisted in the first place...

Its a matter of TRUST

Feel so damn pissed today... Eyes was still painful and swollen in the morning when i woke up at 5am to prepare to go to work... so decided that i would go see a doc... told mdm by sms-ing her... but guess wat??? got a mouth full fr her... why??? cuz she said that she asked me to report sick back in camp.... im like wtf??? im down wif sore eyes and u wanna me travel all the way to PLAB to report sick??? r u outta ur mind???

Nvm.... went to see my family doc at 8.30am... got another dy of mc and was told to rest my eyes to reduce the pain... went back home to rest my eyes... fell asleep soon after... was later awaken by the door bell... guess wat??? SHE AND RSM CAME TO "VISIT" ME... REASON BEING THEY WRE GOING TO VISIT JASON SO POP BY TO SEE HOW WAS I DOING.... CRAP SHIT LIKE I'LL BELIEVE... WHY DONT U JUS SAY U DUN TRUST ME AND WANNA SEE IM AT HOME OR NOT??!!!

Seriously.... i dunno wats ur problem.... u make me hate u more and more.... the actions u do... the words that came outta ur mouth..... all seems so nice... but all have a hidden meaning in them... ppl say u r nice... im starting to think otherwise... u dun trust me... how am i supposed to work with u???

Seriously.... jus when i thought things turn out for the better... u jus come and destory this beautiful image that i have... Seriously... i cannot take much more... i cried and cant seem to stop...

I hate myself... totally....

Been quite awhile since i last blogged... Why? too tired.... frm waking up daily at 5am and only reaching home at 7.30pm... ARGH!!! 1 more yr of this kind of life... SIGH!

Had an extremely fun time on sat wif Zhenyao and Julyen... Dinnered at cartel in ps and den going to vivo after dinner. Wanted to go there to get some games for Wii which i collected frm orchard post office the very same morning. Gt it free cuz my sister decided to renew the singnet broadband plan.... heehee...
Julyen bought a MP3 fo $199... which makes Zhenyao 心痒痒... haha... (anyways he bought a mp3 for $299 later on on monday where he was on duty off)... for me... i bought a st of Wii remote... $105 bucks for both remote and the attachment... all 3 of us spent quite abit this weekends... hahah but it seems like i spent the least... lolx...
After julyen gt his MP3... we went around shopping... haha... and went into toy'r'us... found ourselves fooling around wif all those toys... oh ya! julyen bought an aeroplane model (the infamous A380).... lolx...
Last stop was at coffeebean... where we sat down and talked and drink of cuz... proceed home afterwhich as Zhenyao has duty the next day and cant stay out late... he trained home while julyen and myself took 188 back home...
A really fun day... looking forward to next week... planning for another K-session... we shall wait and see.....

Was on MC today due to a sore eyes... went to medical centre at PLAB to see doctor... but damn! onli 1 day mc??... the MO told me that these will usually take 2 to 3 days to completely recover and told me to see doctor outside if the problem persist for the next few days....
Guess wat... i told mdm the excat same thing the MO told me... but guess wat she said?
"if that is true... y did he onli give u 1 day mc?"

DAMN! I HAD ENUFF OF THIS... STOP COMAPRING ME WIF OTHER PEOPLE.. I AM ME... THEY DUN REPORT SICK IS THIER PROBLEM... I FALL SICK... I REPORT SICK... IS THERE ANY FUCKING PROBLEM WIF THAT?? DO U WAN ME TO FREAKING COLLAPSE INFRONT OF YOU BEFORE U?? SERIOUSLY... I DUNNO WAT IS UR PROBLEM!!!

My eyes still hurts... going off to lala land....

Things start to turn out for the better... Finding myself starting to blend in bit by bit... Talking crap every now and then...
Got to find out the fun side of mdm... she likes to joke alot also... but when she is working... is totally a different person!

Went back to Nee Soon Camp there today to do some file xfer to Jia Liang... was kinda looking forward to it as i can finally go back to meet my frens and buddies... managed to onli meet up wif Pierre, Zong Yao, Justin, and Julyen... Yao yao was on off... so din get a chance to talk to him... but oh well... there is always tml... as i will still be going back for the unit challenge day in the morning and will finish up my clearance in the afternoon...

Visited my "upperstudy" today as part of staff visit... wun say he is really my upperstudy cuz onli learnt frm him for jus mere 1 and a half day... took over him cuz he is going for his operations... no choice, i gt poste there to take over... but he'll be back...
Left his hse at around 3.30pm... since he live in bukit batok, mdm allowed me to fall out frm his hse... so gt to reach hme at ard 4.30pm... rushed downstairs to get my haircut... (gt told off my 1WO Chia, my current RSM/Mdm/Mdm Susan, my previous RSM, today for having long hair... heehee)... oh ya... speaking of Mdm Susan... she wanted to bring me to lunch at fortress mess... but since mdm frm PLAB sent the despatch in the morning instead of in the afternoon(despatch is usually in the afternoon)... i have to leave b4 lunch and din get a chance to go and eat... DAMN!!!...

Damn tired from waking up as early as 5am to get myself to PLAB on time... SHAGGED!!! But i dunhav a choice... jus have to get usd to it i guess... hahaha....

Anyways.... have a "date" with my frens and buddies frm Nee Soon Camp this Sat night for dinner.... looking forward to it.... =P

Im not as strong as i seem

Decided to start blogging... Why? Cuz i think i nid some place to release my stress...
Left my frens and buddies i made while i army to a new working place at some other camp...
Talk about stress... Thought the old place was stress enuff... no... i was wrong.... HELL WRONG... The amount of stress there... almost doubled or maybe more...
The demands of the mdm... Way exceeds that of what i have expected...
Im not as strong as i look... I said ok... I said yes... I said no problem... All because i din wan to trouble anyone... Perhaps im wrong in doing so... Perhaps i nid to voice out... But i just cant seem to tell anyone face to face... Im cracking up... Tears came without me knowing.... I need someone to depand on... to ask when im in doubt... and not left to figure out for myself... i hate that feeling... the feeling of being alone....
Im not sure how much more i can take... i need a break... frm all the stress im facing... before i start doing something really stupid...